Does your colon take care of you.

Came into the house this afternoon to get a drink and as I was sitting at the table, a short 60 second commercial was running on the TV. I didn't pay much attention to it except some woman was pitching how your colon should be taken care of. She was on some busy sidewalk (assume New York here) and she was pitching with a story-board that your colon was an important part of your body and that you need to take care of it.

Now only in America would you find a woman doing this and I was amazed by the number of people who stopped to listen. So maybe it wasn't New York cause they would just yell at them, and maybe this was LA. I chuckled that I would be one to walk up to her and listen for a little bit, but then I would ask her a few questions.

I mean, Why would I want to take care of this thing, when it lets most people know its there about every two days. In fact if three or four days goes by for me, it lets me know that it's being ignored and that it is very upset at this moment. There have even been a few times were it didn't care about me, and it just decided to vent on its own.

As the commercial was about to end the lady finished with the following statement. “Take care of your colon so it can take care of you”. Now I'm laughing cause when was the last time you really took care of your colon. I had visions of people sitting around a coffee table and they would discuss what they did for it today. The conversation would go something like this.


Bob: I had a talk with my colon today. He's upset with me cause I didn't have that bowl of prunes for dinner. That I was ignoring him and not taking good care of him!
Dave: Was he real mad at ya Bob?
Bob: Yes he was! He informed me at 1pm that he was going to stop working for the next day or two and go on strike. In fact he told me he was going to call in his union buddy's, Mr stomach and Miss Ulcer.
Dave: That sounds rough. I didn't talk or take care of my colon last year and trust me, you don't want them all upset at the same time. They all need to be taken care of and that's that.
Bob: What did you do to stop your strike and get on with life. I mean, I want to be on good terms with my colon.
Dave: Well Bob, I decide right away to take care of my colon. I eat my vegetables, I exercise and foremost I talk to my colon. Every time I go into the bathroom and I sit there, I talk to him.
Bob: Interesting Dave, what do you say to him.
Dave: Most of the time it's AAARRG, or OOOFTA, or damn its nice and cold on this seat. That normally gets him talking as I will occasionally hear him snort with laughter.
Bob: Thanks Dave, I'll try that and see if we get along any better.

In the mean time, Sally overheard this conversation and she pipes up.

Sally: I quit taken care of my colon 2 years ago, and sure as the dickens she took revenge on me. My colon put up such a fuss that I had to take it to the hospital at 2am in the morning and bottle feed it. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally started to spill her guts and I haven't been able to get her to shut up since. Now I have to wear those stupid “Depends” just to muffle her. In fact next week, my kids are going to but me in a nursing home, just so they don't have to deal with my colon anymore. I guess that's what happens when you don't take care of your colon.